I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
