Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
