Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
