This is not my ceiling
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Everclear isn't food dammit
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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