So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
