He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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