Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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