i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
