HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
