I hate your face
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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