I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
