I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
