Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
