the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize