The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
