You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
