That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
