I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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