He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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