i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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