May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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