Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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