I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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