Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We need a shit load of segways right now
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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