I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
