im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
