he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize