She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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