this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
