Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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