You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
