goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
