she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
