i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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