): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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