Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
