I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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