turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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