So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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