mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
BRING THE BAGELS
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
