So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
