I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
