Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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