Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
