i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
