That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
