at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
As shirtless as possible
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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