would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
