If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
