Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
