did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize