omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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