i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
