I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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