honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
