We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
