What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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