The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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