The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
