2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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