omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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