He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
