I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We need to rekindle our bromance
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
