Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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