I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
