are you still at the devil's house?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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