In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
