yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
