I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
