So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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