I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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