Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When did angry sex become our thing?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
