the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
