no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
