i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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