dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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