omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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