is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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