Don't make out with my wife yet
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
