here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
