false alarm. still invincible.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
