The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
NoShamevember. You game?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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