Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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