Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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