If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
