this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
