Whod you bang
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize