his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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