wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
