Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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