I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
