the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
